(Horrified) No! We are seniors! We need to show the younger kids that we are mature. Max, take off the glasses. Gleb, put on the traditional beard.
"Did you all complete your 500-page practice tests? Did you sleep more than four hours? No? GOOD. Because Santa only brings caffeine pills and existential dread this year!" ANYA: (Sighing) Why can’t we just be normal?
(Shuddering) That’s not a skit, Max. That’s a horror movie.
Because "normal" is for the fifth graders. They still think the tree lights up by magic. We know it lights up because the school’s electrical wiring is from 1974 and it’s a fire hazard.
(Adjusting sunglasses) Relax. I’ve got the vision. We don’t do the "Bunny and Snowflake" dance anymore. We do "The Midnight Before the Exam." It’s a thriller.
(Hoisting his red sack) Look, I’ve updated the brand. I’m not "Ded Moroz" anymore. I’m "Father Crypto." Instead of candy, I’m giving out QR codes to my failed NFT project.
Cool, wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses (indoors).
(Checking her watch) Okay, people! This is our last New Year’s skit before graduation. It needs to be profound. It needs to be Shakespearean. It needs to represent the transition from childhood to the cold, hard reality of adulthood!
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