Madeline Marks -

When I signed up to captain the Oz 9 , I was promised a nice, long nap in a stasis pod and a "Terraform Now" button to press in twenty-five years. Instead, I’m wide awake, the coffee machine is judging my life choices, and we just passed Earth’s moon. You know, the big white rock from the childhood bedroom window? Yeah, seeing it up close is cool until you realize you weren't supposed to see it at all because you were meant to be unconscious .

I’m stuck with a street urchin who has the entire history of humanity crammed into her head (and won’t stop reminding us) and a janitor who smells like old socks and broken dreams.

Still mostly metal, though the D&G wing recently decided to undergo a spontaneous thermal meltdown.

Since there are several notable people named , I have drafted a blog post based on the one who is a fictional captain in the popular sci-fi comedy podcast, Oz 9 .

The absolute highlight of the week? We accidentally hit the ship behind us with what can only be described as a "windshield-full of human goo." If there were a leaderboard for the biggest eff-ups in the fleet, I’d be winning. At least the Oz 9 made it past launch, which—given the state of the other ships—is practically a miracle.

A good portion of our "resting" guests are now "eternally resting." It turns out pods are picky about staying powered. Who knew?

Stay tuned for next week's entry, assuming we don't accidentally terraform ourselves into a black hole. — Captain Madeline Marks

On the bright side, the view from the port-side windows is stunning. It’s almost enough to make you forget that the life support system is making a sound like a dying harmonica.